Thursday, April 14, 2011

How To Attract An Awesome Babe (Or Not)

Kerry and I treated ourselves to dinner tonight at the Surf and Sand Resort. "Splashes" is the name of the restaurant.  Fine wines, designer foods featuring dishes with fancy swirls of God knows what surrounding your entree' to make it look like it's fresh off the Food Channel Network.

We sat next to the fireplace, in a dining room overlooking the setting sun.  Surfer Boy always the perfect gentleman with the dry cleaned clothing, pulling out the chair for his date. Me, with my designer outfit from the fifteen dollar store, spruced up with sparkling jewelry.  Somehow, I just can't fit in with the OC crowd.

In walks this gorgeous woman of indeterminate age depending on which angle her face was turned.  One way it looked to be 25.  If she looked straight at you, I'd guess 50.  On a good day.  Her black hair was cut in an attractive, funky, short style.  Her skin had been treated to only the finest skin care products and the latest in anti aging developments.  Botox, chemical peels, hylauranic acid treatments.  More than that though, she had an inner radiance.

Her date was a bit out of my view, but Kerry made the observation that caused me in a very rude fashion to rubber neck in order to get a better view.  He was the Fred to her Wilma.  And the main attraction to this man, especially as the lights dimmed and the sun set, was the blinking blue light of his blue tooth ear piece.  Blink.  Blink.  Blink.  The whole two hours we were enjoying a sumptuous dinner, off that ear piece went.  Was he expecting a call from another, more botoxed woman?  Perhaps a hot tip from his stock broker?  Maybe he's suing Mark Zuckerburg and waiting for a settlement update from his attorney.

Whatever the case, he had the Gorgeous Ms. OC wrapped around his little blue tooth technology.

Ladies, please raise your standards.  And if you can't, be willing to date Mr. Blue Tooth.  I'll bet he has one heck of a stock portfolio.  Me?  I'll be checking his text call log when I get home.  Just to be sure......


  1. Love this post. You are such a great writer! Craning your neck around... you're hilarious. Didja forget to pretend to be looking for your waiter when you turned to look at Fred?

  2. Shawn: Have I told you lately that I love you? xoxo