Since I am getting ready to undergo this wonderful surgery in which I am to receive the next Kobe Bryant's knee, I decided now would be a great to time to do another major body detoxification.
A couple of years back I found this wonderful center called Living Water Rejuvenation Centers. They specialize in colon hydrotherapy.
I can hear you now. Eww. Gross.
Not so. It's really a lot of fun and feels great!
Ever wondered why so many of us walk around with pot bellies or what the guys like to macho-like refer to as beer bellies?
There's no way to politically correctly say this: Most of us are walking around with 5 to 15 pounds of accumulated crap in our colons. How does this affect me, you may ask? Many ways, one, being that you're not much fun to look at in a bikini. The others are more profound, such as all that junk hindering your body from absorbing nutrients. The intestines and colon become so impacted that all that great food you're now eating cannot be utilized by the body. Heck, how else are you going to get the nutritional benefits of that quarter pounder?
With the surgery looming, off I went to the Living Waters Rejuvenation Center for my colon cleansing with my absolute Angel of a therapist. She's cute, fun, funny, young, energetic and makes the whole experience one to look forward to.
The procedure itself: yes, they stick a speculum up your butt, then from there it's smooth (to use a worn out term) sailing. You're slowly filled with nothing more than body temperature water which loosens up all the gunk, then it's released and, here's the part I know you're going to love, you get to watch, through a viewing tube, quite fascinatingly, all the junk that comes out of your body. How could that've been inside of my gorgeous body?
I asked my guardian Angel therapist what were some of the strangest things she has ever seen eliminated.
• A barbie doll shoe that a grown woman had swallowed as a child
• Purple fruit stripe gum. They kept seeing these gummy purple strings and finally the patient recalled having loved the gum so much as a kid that she chewed, then swallowed it.
• A fistful size of worms. The worms got all riled up after the first session. The client came back the next day with a swollen belly. As soon as they hooked her up to the machine, bingo! The therapist tried to hide her shock as she witnessed so many worms meeting their watery grave.
Do you want all that stuff in you? No! Colon hydrotherapy. It just may be your new best friend. And....by the second treatment, I've already lost three pounds. Now I've got your attention.