If You're Happy and You Know It Stamp Your Feet

In a land not so long ago, and not so far away, this magnificent body of mine could cross the finish line of 100 mile, 50 mile races.  That made me happy. 20 mile training run on a Saturday morning?  Walk in the park.

I was a single Mom, mother of two beautiful daughters (nobody admits to the ugly ones) top salesperson, multiple times Presidient club winner, made good money, single for 17 years.  I didn't need a man.  That made me happy.  I may have wanted a man, but no, Ms. Wonder Woman didn't need anyone.

Today, I'm humbly walking in a walker, 25% max weight bearing on my new knee, made it through these wimpy physical therapy exercises for the first time today without crying.  That makes me happy!

My two daughters (they're still beautiful) are making me proud, taking care of themselves, working, but most importantly, being great, loving family members.

I'm four years newylwed to a super great man.  And, the father of my daughters and I have maintained a really nice relationship.

Don't get me wrong.  I've experienced some very dark nights of the soul.  Do I miss having, being, doing all the things I'm not doing able to do right now?  Heck, freaking yes!!

But I discovered something.  Happiness is a decision, not an experience.  Love is a decision, not an experience.  If we think we have to have (fill in the blank) to be happy, it's never going to happen.

Eleven days out from my surgery and I still get all teary eyed thinking about the donor whose living bone and cartilage are now cheerfully growing in my knee.  Who was this person?  How did they die?  How is their family dealing with the loss?  I pray fervently every day for this person and his/her family and friends.  One of the things that keeps me going is my plan to send the family a letter and pictures of myself running, biking, surfing etc. once I'm able to do so.  Every small victory I have with my PT, I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.   I can almost raise my leg high enough (with a towel) to kiss that beautiful knee.  That makes me happy.

So, if you're happy and you know it, stamp your feet!

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Bone Grafts But Were In Too Much Pain To Ask

Tonight marks exactly one week since my osteochondral allograft.  One of the main purposes of this blog is to help others that may someday be going through something similar.  Hopefully my research and information will help another soul along this path called life.

One of my favorite bloggers, the lovely and talented Ulyana, recently went through a similar surgery.  The affected portion was her ankle, while mine was the left knee.  Her posts have been inspiring, funny and informational.  It was Ulyana who gave me the idea that YES!  I needed a shower chair.  Most of us think of a shower chair as something only folks of advanced ages would need.   Not so.  I am going to encourage us all to purchase this nifty little device.  Think how great that will feel after a long run or workout of any kind.  If you have a significant other; allow your imagination entertain some very interesting possibilities.  Chihuahuas in the home?  Just set them on the high chair adjustment and bath time will now be a a breeze.  They also come in many fashionable designer colors.

Many of you have asked for more details, so here goes:

My diagnosis was osteochondral dessicans.  Translation: A portion of my knee (the medial femoryl condyle) was dead, dried or dessicated, is the technical term.  There's no way to know how it happened as there was never an acute injury.  In other words, I didn't step in a hole and scream out in pain.  This affliction affects children and no one knows why.  I've spent the past 20 years or so of my life as an ultra marathon runner.  Folks love to blame it on that, but it's not the case.

The surgery involves waiting for a donor with a viable graft that fits my size knee.  It has nothing to do with blood type, sex or anything at all other than size.  Once a donor graft finds its way to the donor bank, it's tested for disease and must be used within fourteen days.  In my case, I got the call on Friday and was in the O.R. on Wednesday.  As you can tell by the photo, this is not an arthroscopic surgery.  Nope.  A good old fashioned incision is made.  The dead portion of my knee is removed, then the donor graft is inserted.  This procedure utilizes a surgical saw and a core reamer until the graft is properly seated, all the while my leg is put through various manipulations to ensure proper flexion.

Three days were spent in the hospital.  Now that I'm home, I'm non weight bearing (NWB) on the left leg for six to eight weeks.  The Doctors are very strict about this.  The graft has got to settle in and re-grow in concert with my own bone and cartilage.  I currently walk with a walker (another great invention) and will soon be on crutches.  In home physical therapy starts right away.  My kick butt P.T. who also happens to be a former NFL Super Star is putting me through the paces.  The movements wouldn't have seemed like much in the past.  But now........  Ouch!  Thank God I've been so active all my life.  I've got strong arms, a strong right leg and a strong will.

When my good friend and training partner, Chris, came to visit me in the hospital, I showed him the physical therapy outline which slowly yet steadily progresses over the next year.  His response:  "WOW.  I had no idea how intense this was."  When I asked him if he would've done the same given my situation, there was not a moments hesitation.  "If it helped me get back to a normal life, heck yes!!"

Pain meds:  Necessary at this point, they grafted my bone, guys, but am cutting back.  I was a bit concerned about constipation but I found a supplement that works like a charm.  Perhaps it will help you even if your, ahem, stoppage is from another source.  It's called 3A Magnesia by Lane Medical.  Love that stuff!

No cast or brace required, thankfully.  Showering is allowed for as long as your hot water heater can perform.  Mine is being put to the test.  I've learned to appreciate every little thing I previously took for granted.  Showering has become one of the highlights of my day!

Sleep:  Our bedroom requires stairs so we're sleeping in Ruby's room.  Ruby sleeps in a California King Size Bed with a pillow top mattress.  Ruby is our fourteen year old black kitty whom we rescued from the pound.  She purrs really loud and she snores.  It's quite soothing.

Food:  I have a great appetite.  Kerry is getting the hang of shopping at Whole Foods and is learning how to use the VitaMix.  I have advised him that when I'm dead and buried, he'll be a great cook and housekeeper.  No getting on my case for this one, guys.  So far as I know, no one gets out of this one alive!


Life, my dear friends, is extremely good.  Cherish every step you take today.

Pain is inevitable, suffering, is optional.

"Pain is inevitable, suffering, is optional."


This was the phrase that my brilliant surgeon, Dr. William Bugbee presented me with after the surgery.
"What Zen book did you read that in?"  Said I.


Day two, home from the hospital.  Here's what I've learned:


•  Buy stock in Ben & Jerry's


•  The rumours of Kerry's lack of cooking expertise are greatly exaggerated


•  If you can ever get your hands on one of those clay infused, instead of gel, ice packs, buy one.  I don't care what it costs


•  The hand held shower massage was one of God's greatests inventions


•  Pets really do offer unconditional love like no other.  Just don't get more than four.  Please.


•  Victor Jose Snaggles (Jessica's chihuahua) is so strange looking that he's precious.


•  If you live in Southern California, you just might get Brad Budde as your in home physical therapist.   Evidently, he's a football legend, whose name was lost on me, but Kerry was all impressed.  We had our first meeting yesterday.  He's 6'4" 262 lbs. and quite imposing.  If anyone can whip me into shape, he can.


•  I have the world's greatest friends and family.  Many of which are much better cooks than I would've ever thought!


•  I'm surprised by how few people have ever heard of this amazing sugery: the allograft.  Perhaps the recovery will be long, but more about that later.......

Day One: Back From the Hospital

Gnarly.  Is that a real word?  If so, that is what an osteochondral allograft is.


Wednesday was spent with the entire day fasting as the surgery was scheduled for evening.  We got to the hospital one hour early on a perfect La Jolla beach day, so decided to relax under a life giving sun before going into three days of hospital confinement.


Once at the hospital, it's forms, signatures, payments, EKG's, vitals, weigh ins, blood tests, psychological tests (they must've asked me the spelling of my name and DOB at least a million times.  At least they didn't ask who the current President is, as I'm not sure.


The last meeting was with a lovely Indonesian woman who performed my EKG, weight and height.  She had a kick ass sense of humour.  It was a party in there.  When it came time for her to hand me my hospital issue clothing, I didn't realize I was to completely strip down.  Duh.  She cocked her head and said in that cute Indonesian accent: "Honey, this the Full Monty"


Next the wheel chair got rolled in.  In typical Jen Evans Queen fashion, I proceeded to pose for the camera in various poses befitting a wheel chair, when whom should walk in, but Dr. Bugbee.  He rolled his eyes and said "Good Gawd, what are you up to this time?"  It seemed I was a celebrity that night as he had in tow, two surgeons.  One was from Belgium, the other from Germany.  That's how well renowned Dr. Bugbee is:  Surgeons fly in from all over the world to learn from him.


Next thing I knew, I was having a lovely vision of Kerry and I sitting on our sofa sipping our morning coffee as is the custom around here.  Suddenly I realized I was not relaxing on the sofa.  No, I was being wheeled down a hospital corridor.  Pandemonium ensues once a patient is completed surgery.  It was at that point that I burst into tears from the sheer emotion of it all.  I was grabbing any one's hand that was close enough for TLC.  Before Dr. Bugbee left me, I grabbed him and made him give me a hug.  I don't know if that's hospital protocol, but I don't care.


I had lovely visitors, including ultra running friend David.  He is a scientist who works three minutes walk from the hospital and is one of the smartest people I know.  BFF Chris, with a pint of ice cream, and the lovely Michele, with laughter and great conversation overlooking Torrey Pines Golf Course and the Pacific Ocean.


Once home, I was greeted by my sweet daughter, Jessica, bearing a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream and Victor Jose Snaggles.  Finally, one of the best nights sleep ever, with Surfer Boy and our black kitty, Ruby.


Pictures of my shower chair tomorrow........

Tomorrow's the Big Day!!!!

Tomorrow morning Surfer Boy and I leave for beautiful La Jolla including 3 days, and 2 nights of fun filled entertainment and deluxe accommodations where the wonderful staff at the hospital will be at my beck and call.


We started the day with one last surf session since I will be non weight bearing on crutches for six weeks.  Kerry, wonderful husband that he is, got the shower chair to fit into my tiny, like you can barely stretch your arms out tiny, shower stall.  Then I went to lunch with a dear friend who is moving out of the country this week.  The girls lunch and laughter was great for my soul.


My bags are packed.  I checked with the hospital and they advised me that yes, I can bring my blankie.  I never travel without my beloved feather comforter.  It's been all over the world and has great stories to tell. I'm smuggling in the most important of my supplements and of course, my BHRT.  Don't leave home without it!  Lastly, I couldn't resist packing my red satin pajamas so I look good for family and friends!


Thank you to all my blogger buddies, friends and family for your positive vibes, prayers, and great energy!


Yes, I'll bring my laptop.  Hopefully I will feel like writing.  Haven't many prolific writers written whilst under the influence of mind altering substances?  We're fixin' to find out!

127 hours until my surgery! But who's counting?

It is with an amazingly grateful heart that I sit down to write this post.


After not being able to run for well over a year and a half, every workout in the company of my good friend pain, several months of meeting numerous specialists, two months on a wait list, one false donor alarm and lots of ice, ice, baby, I finally got the call yesterday that the donor bank has a healthy graft for my knee.  The surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, 6PM PST.  Yay, yippee and double thank you Lord!


I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have come together to make this possible.  First, Dr. Bugbee, who has dedicated his practice to this joint sparing technology.  I am so lucky to have found him.  He is an international leader in the allograft field.  Patients fly in from all over the world to meet with him, and he teaches other doctors how to perform the procedure.  The procedure itself involves the use of living bone and cartilage, fresh, never frozen, folks.  In layman's terms, he will pop out the defective part of my knee and pop in the new and improved donor graft.  Very exciting stuff!


Back to the thank you list: Dr. Bugbee and his staff, my wonderful friends and family, my daughters, my pets, all the doctors who pointed me in this direction, my Angel, Lacy, at Living Water Rejuvenation Centers, who has been helping me with my detox program in preparation for surgery, Surfer Boy, the best husband in the whole wide world, who gets to put up with my many moods (yes, Ms. Positive has moods) and most especially, heartfelt thanks to the donor who gave up his/her life to help another person have a better quality of life.  I promise to honor that persons life by working hard, keeping a positive, prayerful attitude and thanking them with every step I take.  Love, love, love you all!!!


Finally, the name of this post: It's not really quite 127 hours until the surgery, but I want to honor one of my favorite inspirational people, Aron Ralston, an experienced canyoneer, and fellow ultra runner, who got trapped by a chock stone in Moab Utah for 127 hours.  After preparing to die, he ended up amputating his own arm, using a small, cheap, multi tool knife, then rappelled down a cliff and hiked seven miles, with his arm in a sling fashioned from his CamelBak before finally being discovered by hikers and rescued.  If you're looking for inspiration, check out the movie, starring academy award best actor nominee, James Franco.


If he could get through that amazing self-surgery, I will easily bounce back from my lap of luxury surgery including the ocean view recovery suite.  Champagne, please!


I plan to update you all from my 2-3 day hospital stay.  Thank you all for your positive vibes and prayers!

Feelings........nothing more than feelings

Every time the phone rings, I look at the caller ID to see if it's a call from Dr. Bugbee's office advising me that they found a donor for my bone and cartilage transplantation.  I've been doing this for 7 weeks now, but who's counting?


End of last week I got THE CALL!  Dr. Bugbee's assistant called with the words which were magic to my ears "We got a donor offer"  She then proceeded to give me the surgery date, pre-op instructions etc.  The call ended with a disclaimer: There's a chance we may not be able to use the graft.  It has to pass rigorous testing.  I already knew this as I've researched this procedure extensively.  Thankfully, the graft is put through a gazillion tests to make sure it's free of transmittable diseases.


I woke up the next morning happy, full of energy, enthusiasm and passion for life.  I got on my mountain bike and had an amazingly invigorating ride on the trails overlooking green hills and majestic ocean views. I knew the ride would cause pain to my knee, heck, every workout does these days, but I didn't care.  I was getting my new knee!  I stopped at one point on a particularly expansive viewpoint to say a prayer of thanks to the donor who gave up his/her life so that I could benefit from their healthy body.


24 hours later I got a call from Dr. Bugbee's office.  The graft did not pass testing.  Back to the wait list.


So, I ask you this:  What really changed in those 24 hours?  Absolutely nothing except for my feelings.  My body is the same, my address is the same, my family and friends are the same, my knee certainly is the same, well, maybe the weather changed a little.


This experience is teaching me big time how to be patient, and how little control we have over things in our lives.  There is nothing I can do about the donor situation other than wait.


Who we really are is not determined by the circumstances around us.  Who we really are inside needs do nothing.  Remember that next you're in line at the DMV.  And while you're at it, next time you're at the DMV, mark "yes" for donating your body to medical purposes.  All you healthy ultra runners and athletes out there, we need you.  Dead or alive!